Musings on Being on Working Mom (obviously this post is written by Milissa)

I am procrastinating.  I am sitting at the computer, while the girls are napping, wasting valuable time.  I should be writing unit plans.  Making dinner.  Folding the 3 loads of laundry that are piled in the middle of the living room floor.  Making the playdough I promised to Aida two weeks ago.  Designing and making new sign-in sheets for my students.  Reviewing the report card template.  Yada, yada, yada.

Here's what I would rather do while my kids are napping.  Read.  Finish the paintings I started 2 months ago before I started work.  Surf the net for new music.  Plan and make a gourmet picnic for my family and guest who are coming over later.  Sleep.  Talk to my mom.  Write. 

Time.  What a precious commodity.  I feel as if I have been operating on survival mode since work began 2 months ago.  There just aren't enough hours in the day for me to be a good mom and a good teacher.  Jay and I have often talked about how, to really excel in one aspect of one's of life, sacrifices need to me made in another aspect of one's life.  For example, when Jay and I were first dating and married, we spent ALL our time together and we had (and still have) a great relationship.  However, during that time, we neglected other areas in our lives (friendships, family functions, church involvement, etc.).  I am not prepared to sacrifice my kids or marriage for my job.  But, teaching is the type of job that you can't just leave at school.  My 50% workload looks more like 70% at the end of the week. More often than not, at the end of the day, as I struggle to stay awake after the kids go to bed, I worry about all of the things that did not get done.

I have been asking myself these questions lately:

• Can I find another job for now that pays enough to cover childcare but isn't so time consuming?
• Can I find a way to make money with my art?
• Can we cut back more at home so I don't have to work as much?
• Can I stick this out for the year and find something else next year?
• Will it be easier next year when I have a year of experience under my belt and my kids are that much older?
• Where is God in all of this?

Now, don't worry.  I am not about to lose it and do something rash.  I am not going to quit my job.  I am not going to sell my house.  I am not weeping (at least not every day!).  I am not moping.  I am not complaining (at least trying not to).  I am merely sharing with you some of the struggles of being a working mom. 

I recently had a conversation with another soon-to-be working mom and we talked about how "easy" our grandmothers had it, not expected to contribute to the home income.  They could be moms and housewives and there was nothing wrong with that.  In fact, that was what was expected of them.  Now, don't get me wrong.  I completely appreciate the women's right movements.  I am glad that I can compete with a male in the workplace.  I am happy that I can go to work and not feel like others must think I'm a bad mother for doing so. I like wearing pants.  I want to vote.  I want to drive.  I want to be able to be a married teacher (did you know that early female teachers had to quit their jobs when they wed?).

However, I have been thinking about that particular conversation a lot lately and think what I resent the most about my situation, is not having a choice.  It is almost impossible to raise a family anymore on one income.  Almost every "stay-at-home" mom I know is bringing in another source of income, whether it be through babysitting, selling items through home parties, or bookkeeping in the evening.  A lot of mothers try to squeeze in their home business during naps and after bed.  Then there are those of us who find childcare and leave the home to work.  Some mothers love jumping back into their careers.  I am glad they have that choice.  Other moms (like me at the present) resent the fact that they have no choice but to go back to work.  I want the choice.  I want to be able to stay at home with my kids right now during these precious formative years.

I am not sure what the answer is.  Jay has a great job. A professional job in which he has a strong and definite calling.  I am glad he is a pastor.  I would not want him to do anything else.  I also love the lower mainland of BC.  I love the warm summer and rainy winter.  I love the big trees and swaths of green wherever you look.  I love being a 20 minute drive to the beach.  I love being a 40 minute drive from Vancouver.  I just wish that it wasn't so expensive to live here.  I have to work.  I have no choice. 

We will get through this though.  I will just have to find new ways of doing things.  I might just have to buy playdough in stead of making it.  Perhaps I will solicit more parent volunteers at work.  And I have already started stocking my freezer with frozen pizza for dinner on work nights.  I keep reminding myself that teaching will be great for my kids when they are older.  We will have summers and Christmas and spring break together....

That's it for my rambling of the day.   Nap time will be over soon.  I have to fold the laundry before Claire comes out and discovers the joy of unfolding mommy's work.  I also have to start dinner.  Black bean soup.  With nacho chips and salsa and sour cream on the side.   But I am going to call my dinner guests and ask them to pick up a bucket of ice cream for dessert.