Bye Bye Baby

My thumb-suckers

A typical grocery store scenario:  You are in the check-out line with your children sitting (or in my case, standing and crying) in the cart and the well-meaning older woman behind you says, "Cherish these years with your little ones, dear.  They'll be over before you know it."  You think, "You obviously don't remember being so tired that you can't think straight, so frazzled that your husband wonders what happened to the woman he married, and so broke that it's a treat to go to the library to take out a free movie," all the while smiling weakly and praying that you can get out of the store before you or one of the kids has a meltdown.  In that moment, you cannot wait to have your life back. 

But, as per usual, I have once again pridefully and foolishly spurned the advice of my elders and have had to eat humble pie.  Aida is just about 4 and Claire is 19 months and we have marked two major milestones in our family life: Aida has stopped sucking her thumb and we just transitioned Claire out if the crib and into a bed (in an effort to create more room in our tiny condo...).  As the kids are getting older and I am discovering some of my pre-motherhood life again (Jay and I just went away together sans kidlets for 3 nights), I am starting to feel a strange mixture of "Hallelujah - I'm free!" and "I'm a terrible mother for wanting more than motherhood" and "All I want is for time to go backwards and have my little babies again."

Recently, Aida stopped sucking her thumb.  That's right, friends.  Aida's mouth has been attached by an invisible thread to her thumb since she was about 3 months old.  As soon as she was old enough to yank the pacifier out and put the aforementioned appendage in, she used her thumb for comfort when she was insecure, for assistance in falling asleep, and sometimes for pure joy - just "because it tastes yummy" (Aida's own words...).   One day last month, she told me she was tired of sucking her thumb.   I just happened to have Mavala Stop on hand (disgusting tasting nail polish).  After a month of continuous wear, she is done with her thumb, and we went on a date at Chuck E. Cheese with the whole family to celebrate. 

I should be rejoicing.  My baby did it!  Correction.  My Big Girl did it.  But, the first night with the Mavala Stop I sat at the computer looking at her baby pictures and sobbed.  Yes, complete and utter sobbing - the kind where you can barely catch your breath and you sound like an old car whose engine keeps turning over, but won't start when you turn the key.  In some completely wierd and, I'm sure, unhealthy way, I wanted her to suck her thumb forever.   Then, I would know that she still needs me.  I need her to need me because as long as she needs me, I think I can protect her from everything.

This morning, Jay and I packed up Claire's crib.  As I mentioned before, we live in a tiny two bedroom condo and space is at a premium.  As the girls' toy inventory increases we need more space.  So, Claire has been gently transitioned into the bed and has been sleeping soundly in it throughout the night for a few weeks now.  Again, I was weeping, but managed to keep it a bit more civilized as I didn't want to traumatize the children.

Aida at about 8 months in the crib

Claire at the same age

Aida trying out her big girl bed for the first time.  She was just about two and I remember thinking she was so tiny for such a big bed.



Sorry, I can't figure out how to flip this, but here's Claire in her big-girl bed - as you can see, she's had no trouble adjusting!


 The unknown is scary.  What will become of Aida and Claire as they start to exert their independence and experience the world on their own.  How will I save them when they get hurt if I am not there?  How can I contain Claire and be sure that she is safe and sound without the crib? How will Aida soothe herself without her thumb? 

Oh, how fickle and ungrateful I am!  As I am writing this, I am remembering how (just this morning) I was complaining about how I can't wait until I don't have to buckle the kids into their carseats every time we get in the car.  And I was wishing over dinner that we didn't have that ugly booster seat strapped to a kitchen chair for Claire.  At a staff meeting earlier in the week, I was thinking about how much easier work will be when the kids are in school.   I know full well, with each of these passing milestones, I will cry and wonder how the time went by so quickly.

My babies are growing up - just like babies have for thousands of years and in the process have simultaneously broken and mended their mothers' hearts.  Lord help me. 


One last hurrah in the crib before it came down this morning